How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
