I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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