Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
