You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
whose parrot is this?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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