Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
