Soap is not a condiment
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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