Well apparently he's into motor boating.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
