I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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