i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
