margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
