i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
