How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
