you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
