I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
