I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
