I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
