dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
