Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
