Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
