But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?