Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
mondays should just be called national damage control day
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
