Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
