Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
