I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
