im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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