if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
