dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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