hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
