I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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