I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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