I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
