So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
