hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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