woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
