Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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