hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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