My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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