When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
