i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
