whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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