There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
