my being single is dangerous.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
And then he peed in my hair
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