i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
