I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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