I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
