I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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