I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
