Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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