I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
