I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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