you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
