just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I FOUND THE LEGS
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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