sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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