shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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