I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
