Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Your cock deserves a montage
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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