So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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