Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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