you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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