This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
