I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
you are never too drunk for berry picking
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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