Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
