when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
