What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
