I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
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