I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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