My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
