I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
