honey bunches of taint.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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