i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
