The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize